Animal Jokes for TM Club Meeting

Two frogs married and had a baby. However, the baby was a toad. "I need an explanation for this." The male said. "Sorry, my dear." said the female, "I forgot to tell you that before meeting you, I had a plastic surgery."

In a running race between a crab and a duck, the two finished about the same time and it was difficult to decide who was the winner. "How about a rock-paper-scissors game?" the resourceful judge suggested. Hearing this, the duck became quite angry, "that is so unfair! Whenever I play this game, I always get paper, while the crab has scissors forever."

An old soft-shell turtle accosted a clam and got bitten. Feeling the pain, the turtle crawled back and forth, dragging the clam. The mother frog said to her kid, "you should learn from turtle and become a successful businessman as he does. See, the turtle carries a briefcase wherever he goes."

Dog said to bear, "marry me and you will be happy." "No I won't, I will marry a cat instead." said the bear, "Marrying you, my baby will be a dog-bear, whereas it will be a cat-bear if I marry a cat. Respectable panda, just think about it!" In Chinese, a dog-bear is always associated with a losing hero while a cat-bear is the name for honorable panda.

An Ode of Tomorrow

[An Ode of Tomorrow]

Tomorrow after tomorrow,
Endless tomorrows!
Should one linger until tomorrow,
Everything ends in nothing.

Spring departs,
Autumn arrives,
Aging dawdler loiters.

Eastward river flows,
Westward sun sinks.
How many tomorrows in life?
Ode of tomorrow asks.

【明日歌】
钱鹤滩
明日复明日，
明日何其多！
我生待明日，
万事成蹉跎。
世人苦被明日累，
春去秋来老将至。
朝看水东流，
暮看日西坠。
百年明日能几何？
请君听我《明日歌》。

What is true about the Chinese People

== quote of "The spirit of the Chinese people" by Gu, Hongming ==
In fact, in order to understand the real Chinaman and the Chinese civilisation, a man must be deep, broad and simple, for the three characteristics of the Chinese character and the Chinese civilisation are: depth, broadness and, simplicity.

The American people, I may be permitted to say here, find it difficult to understand the real Chinaman and the Chinese civilisation, because the American people, as a rule, are broad, simple, but not deep. The English cannot understand the real Chinaman and Chinese civilisation because the English, as a rule, are deep, simple, but not broad. The Germans again cannot understand the real Chinaman and the Chinese civilisation because the Germans, especially the educated Germans, as a rule, are deep, broad, but not simple. The French, well the French are the people, it seems to me, who can understand and has understood the real Chinaman and the Chinese civilisation best. The French, it is true, have not the depth of nature of the Germans nor the broadness of mind of the Americans nor the simplicity of mind of the English, but the French, the French people have to a preeminent degree a quality of mind such as all the people I have mentioned above as a rule, have not, a quality of mind which, above all things, is necessary in order to understand the real Chinaman and the Chinese civilisation ; a quality of mind viz : delicacy, For, in addition to the three characteristics of the real Chinaman and Chinese civilisation which I have already mentioned, I must here add one more, and that the chief characteristic, namely delicacy ; delicacy to a preeminent degree such as you will find nowhere else except perhaps among the ancient Greeks and their civilisation.
== end of quote of "The spirit of the Chinese people" by Gu, Hongming ==

== quote of "The Importance of Living" by Lin, Yutang ==
The following are my formulas for the characters of certain nations, entirely personal and incompletely incapable of proof or verification. Anyone is free to dispute them and change them or add his own, if he does not claim that he can prove his private opinions by a mass of statistical facts and figures. Let "R" stand for a sense of reality (or realism), "D" for dreams (or idealism), "H" for a sense of humor, and--adding one important ingredient--"S" for sensitivity. And further let "4" stand for "abnormally high", "3" stand for "high", "2" for "fair" and "1" for "low", and we have the following pseudo-chemical ofrmulas for the following national characters. Human Beings and communities behave then differently according to their different compositions, as sulphates and sulphides or carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide behave differently from one another. For me, the interesting thing always is to watch how human communities or nations behave differently under identical conditions. As we cannot invent words like "humoride" or "humorate" after the fashion of chemistry, we may put it like this: "3 grains of Realism, 2 grains of Dreams, 2 grains of Humor and 1 grain of Sensitivity make an Englishman."
R3D2H2S1 = The English
R2D3H3S3 = The French
R3D3H2S2 = The Americans
R3D4H1S2 = The Germans
R2D4H1S1 = the Russians
R2D3H1S1 = The Japanese
R4D1H3S3 = The Chinese

I do not know the Italians, the Spanish, the Hindus and other well enough even to essay a formula on the subject, realizing that the above are shaky enough as they are, and in any case are enough to bring down a storm of criticism upon my head. Probably these formulas are more provocative than authoritative. I promise to modify them gradually for my own use as new facts are brought to my knowledge, or new impressions are formed. That is all they are worth today -- a record of the progress of my knowledge and the gaps of my ignorance.
== end of quote of "The Importance of Living" by Lin, Yutang ==

Three men create a tiger

In ancient China, one state is facing invasion from neighbor state. The emperor orders his prestigious general to depart for the front line and defend the kingdom. The general, a wise and sagacious man, expresses his concerns to the emperor before reporting to his duty.

G: "Are you sure that you are confident in granting me sole control of the majority of state force?" E: "Yes, absolutely, I know for a long time your loyalty and bravery."
G: "This still holds even though people near you advise you adverse information about me?"
E: "No doubt about it."
G: "Let me tell you a story. If one man comes and says to you that there is a tiger in the busiest market, what do you think?"
E: "It cannot be true. A market is far away from any woods where tiger frequents."
G: "What if a second man comes and talks of the same?"
E: "Well, I will doubt about it, since the crowds in the market alone will frighten back the tiger."
G: "Let us suppose here arrives a third one describing what the tiger is doing in the market, what is your current impression?"
E: "That I will consider taking precautions to protect citizens from being hurt by the tiger."
G: "You see, the likelihood of a tiger appearing in a market is much lower than a general disobeying orders. Yet distrust is easily growing after three independent reports. Should I be fighting enemies far away from you, with dozens of envying malicious peers spreading disadvantageous news about me, how much chance is there for you to persist your trust in me?"
E: "Stay rest, my friend. My confidence in your character is as much as it in your capability. I will wait here for your triumphant return."

The general heads for the front. Later on, the emperor beheaded his general, with suspicion grafted and incubated by close officials.

Immortality in Chinese Culture

The traditional Chinese culture values eternal fame of individual and family. The Chinese society puts more weight on qualities than possessions, i.e., who a man is than what he has. This leads to a tendency of continuous and rigorous retrospective reflection for refinement in a typical Chinese.

For the educated Confucian, the perpetual sublime of ultimate pursuit in life lies in cultivating in oneself a virtuous morality. From there, the widely agreed three levels of achievements are:
- sustaining influential ideas/opinions
- acknowledged accomplishments benefiting society
- revered lifetime impeccable morality shining throughout history

If it sounds too difficult to fulfill the requirements, it is. However, Confucius and his followers have worked out a guideline as for how to perfect oneself in his relatively short life time. Such a guideline promotes and refines good deeds of Confucians, as well as stabilizes and improves society as a whole. The short version of this guideline goes in four stages:
- to enhance individual morality
- to achieve family harmony
- to conserve state order
- to clear obstacles of the world

With good chance, one is capable of finishing the first two and can make some contributions towards the third stage, or even start the fourth one. Alternatively, this guideline can be interpreted as lamentation and serve as condolence when fate is unfavorable. This is described in the Chinese saying "to relieve world when in smooth fate and to polish oneself otherwise".

In summary, immortality in Chinese culture is more about the impact one has on the real world and the status he reaches in morality, the norm that regulates and directs the society. Spiritual longevity and life in future generation, as commonly seen in other cultures, are of a secondary priority for typical Chinese.

Contradiction in Chinese

contradiction: 矛盾
[English] spear and shield
原文：楚人有鬻盾与矛者，誉之曰：“吾盾之坚，物莫能陷之。”以誉其矛曰：“吾矛之利，于物无不陷也。”或曰：“以子之矛陷子之盾，何如？”其人弗能应也。夫不可陷之盾与无不陷之矛不可同世而立。
[English] A salesman selling shields and spears boasts: "my shield is so strong so that nothing can pierce through it." In the meantime, he continues: "my spear is incomparably sharp since nothing withholds its attack." Someone questions: "what will happen then if your spear is thrust at your shield?" The salesman closes his mouth and can not come up with a answer. The simple truth is that an impenetrable shield does not coexist with a pierce-all spear.

Translation of pieces from TengWangGeXu by Bo Wang

落霞与孤鹜齐飞，
秋水共长天一色。

Drifting rosy cloud flies in line with lonely wild bird,
Peaceful autumn lake shares color of wide distant horizon.

【无题】

所在有丘山，
何悲远庙堂?
空谷一长啸，
冰雪俱纷扬。

[No Title]
Where I live are hills and mountains,
What sorrows can arise, away from power and city?
A single long whistle in empty valley,
Accompanied by waving dances of ice and snow.

【空山踏雪】

一雪平天下，
寸心系万家。
何不弃贫富，
忘机忧自遐。

[Stamping snow in empty hill]
One snow equalizes the world,
Inch-sized heart contains thousands of households.
Why not we relinquish wealth and poverty?
Neglecting chances, dolors vanish easily.

Evolution of Chinese Character

As the most representative and unique cultural heritage we Chinese are blessed with, Chinese is the only living ancient language (Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_character). The following are illustrations from Youtube, which are produced by Chu Bang Fu Studio (www.cbflabs.com). If you have any questions, do not hesitate to raise it here or contact me.

human, people (body image)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_COlcaBvhR8
woman, female (kneeling gesture)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nSSSp8QFsA
son, child (shape)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Omc2Ta7K0Hk
good, well (female holding baby, the most beautiful scene)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9ogwvTC1nw
big (adult is big)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnrIUnJIMAQ
sky, heaven (sky is above an adult)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xu_m6_8wZbA
water
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlRULR89cP8
vehicle, machine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPF8nuAEA48
middle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW45lZUuUos
early, morning (sun rising from grass)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xFzWDUf5T8
writing related part, appears in words like number, teach (waving fur pen)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_28ChxeX-A
home, family (a house and a pig are essential for a home)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL9GdvlucTE